


These Petals Are Just For You

by letmeputuonhold



Series: Woosan fics [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25755883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmeputuonhold/pseuds/letmeputuonhold
Summary: Jung Wooyoung is like a drug. Addictive, even necessary for him to survive. He can barely handle being away from him for more than a day. But at the same time, Wooyoung is killing him, the same way nicotine kills people. Slowly, suffocatingly. But you can't tear yourself away.Or: Choi San get's Hanahaki Disease for Jung Wooyoung and Wooyoung has no idea.
Relationships: Choi San & Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Series: Woosan fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867243
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Can be read as a part 2 of Early Morning Cuddles  
> So... If you've ever read my work you'll know I write depressing shit a lot... This is one of those.  
> I'm sorry.

Being around Wooyoung is both addictive and painful.

He knows they can't date, they're idols, and homosexuality is considered a sin by most of the country. Anyway, Wooyoung's straight, as far as he knows. But San can't stop himself from cuddling, hugging, even occasionally kissing the other boy, on the forehead or cheek. He cares about the other boy so much it hurts, and it breaks his heart that Wooyoung's just as clingy, just as loving with the rest of the members as with him.

He doesn't realize how far he'd fallen until he wakes up one morning with Wooyoung curled around him as usual (honestly, the boy spent more time in San's bed then his own. Not that San minded, of course). San looks down at this adorable creation, lips shaped in a little pout, eyes still smeared with eyeshadow, and he suddenly can't breathe. Not the floaty breathless feeling he usually gets when he's looking at Wooyoung. He literally can't breathe. Something's suffocating him from the inside out. He chokes, coughs. Somehow he makes it to the bathroom without waking the other boy, and now he's retching over the toilet, a burning sensation working it's way up from his lungs. He's gagging, gasping, and finally, _finally_ , something comes up. 

It's purple. An almost violent, bright purple color, like the color of a night sky right before dusk. 

What the fuck.

It's a flower. No, not quite a full flower, just the petals. He's coughing up flower petals.

_ I'm losing my mind. _ He shakes his head, rolls his eyes, and heads back to bed. People don’t just cough up flowers. He's fine, right?

Right.


	2. Chapter 2

But the next morning, the same thing happens. He wakes up cuddling Wooyoung, and there it is. The tightness in his chest, like a balloon slowly filling his lungs. This time, when he wheezes over the toilet he sees flecks of red hit the water's surface, and the water slowly fades from crystal clear to pink.

There's more petals, he counts four in all. All still a deep purple, floating in the concerningly pink water. 

So, laying on the floor of the bathroom, his mouth filled with the metallic taste of his own blood and his throat feeling like it's been rubbed raw with sandpaper, he googles it.

Coughing up flowers

And hundreds of pages come up, stories upon stories about unrequited love, and roses growing out of lungs. All ending, inevitably, in death.

_When someone suffers from an unrequited love so passionate it consumes their entire being, they are supposed to develop the fabled sickness known as Hanahaki Disease. A flower, usually one known to represent love in some form (such as orchids, roses, or daffodils), sprouts in the lungs or heart of the victim. The first sign is coughing up flower petals, followed by blood, flower buds, and eventually, the entire flower, stems and all. The disease will continue to progress until the victim dies, unless the love is reciprocated or surgery is performed._

_In surgery, the brain is altered so that the person suffering Hanahaki no longer has any recollection of having any relationship at all with their former love, effectively killing the flowers. This method is considered somewhat dangerous, because in most cases the surgery has resulted in the afflicted being incapable of feeling any emotion at all._

Orchids. That's what they are. 

So that's it then. San's staring blankly at the wall, he has been for over an hour now. He's in love so deep he's going to die from it. His options are a slow, agonizing death or essentially living life as a vegetable. And he knows what he'll do, because he could never let himself forget Wooyoung. His sweet, sweet Wooyoung. Who his life literally depends upon. Around whom his world will always revolve, because he can't bear to see him in pain. So he does what he must. He cleans up the bathroom, rinses his mouth, and heads downstairs. Because he's going to keep this a secret for as long as possible.

It's time to start writing a will.


	3. Chapter 3

It's beautiful, in a twisted sort of way. He's finding beauty in so many places, now that he knows his days on earth are numbered. He takes the time to fully acknowledge every detail, so as not to miss anything. The members know something's wrong, but most are smart enough to give San his space. 

It's a very strange sensation, to know that you're dying, and just continue as if everything's fine. 

Somehow San managed to hide it for a full month before a slip-up. He'd wake up, wiggle out of Wooyoung's grasp, cough up a bloody bouquet, and continue his day. By now, he was coughing up buds, with the occasional fully bloomed flower. One day, during rehearsal he has to run to the bathroom to keep the bloody petals from spilling out of his mouth right in front of the members. 

He'll huddle over the toilet, sobs wracking his body. It hurts. It always hurts, now. His chest, his throat. He's forgotten what it was like to breathe effortlessly. It's starting to effect his dancing and singing. He always somehow drags himself back to his feet, keeps pushing.

Until one day, he can't push anymore, and collapses in the middle of rehearsal, coughs tearing themselves from his throat. He's curled on the floor, desperately attempting to stem the wave of flowers and blood fighting it's way up his throat. Seonghwa's crouching over him, rubbing his back.

"San-ah, just try to breathe for me, please.Hongjoong's getting help. Just stay with me." His voice is barely stable, and San can feel how hard he's trying to stay calm.

"Sannie, no. No _Please_ San!" Wooyoung. San tries desperately to focus on his fuzzy face, but it's sliding away. Slowly, then much faster. 

The first thing he notices is the absence of Wooyoung. Normally the boy's curled so tightly around him it's hard to find where one person ends and the other starts. The next thing he notices is the smell. Like lysol and bleach. There's a faint taste of blood tinting his mouth.

His eyes blink open, and San realizes he's in the hospital. The members are grouped around his bed, and all except for Yeosang are fast asleep. Yeosang looks up from his book, relief flooding his face. 

"San. You complete moron. You can't just scare us like that!" He moves to wake the other boys, but San stops him with a gasp.

"Don't wake them up yet."

He can feel the flowers, fighting to find their way out of him. It looks like he's going to have to trust someone with his secret.

He coughs, and a single purple flower coated in blood slides out of his mouth.

He stares down at it. The whorled purple petals are still attached to the end of a stem, forming a spiral of color. The magenta speckled with dark red. Beautiful. 

Yeosang gasps.

"San, what is that?"

San laughs bitterly, turning into a hacking cough.

"You're the one that reads all those fantasy romance novels. You should know."

He sees the light of recognition burn in Yeosang's eyes, sees the pain he's feeling.

"Hanahaki..."

"Yeah, I'm dying."


	4. Chapter 4

"San's Dying!?"

The exclamation shocks Yeosang and San, both of them jumping a little.

San looks up wearily, finding the entire group staring at him in shock and pain.

"San, what's going on?" San want's to sob at the concern in Hongjoong's voice, knowing they can't do anything. He clenches his jaw, closes his eyes and stares up at the cracked white ceiling. "You tell them, Yeo."

Yeosang starts talking, quickly and softly, explaining that San's dying, and no we can't do anything about it. San can't make himself listen. He knows what comes next, and isn't surprised when the entire group starts crying.

His eyes are miraculously dry. He's tired of pitying himself, tired of the tears. He promised himself he will not cry. Wooyoung lays himself across his chest and sobs.

"Shh, baby. It'll be okay. I love you guys a lot, ok?" San's voice is less breaking than already broken, raw from coughing up flowers.

He hates that he's doing this to them. They're all sobbing in a hospital room, because San's dying. He is dying, and they can't do anything about it.

"H-how long?" Seonghwa chokes out. 

"Two months."

"WHAT?" Yunho.

"You kept this a secret for TWO MONTHS? FOR TWO MONTHS YOU DIDN'T TELL US y-you were dying" Wooyoung's screaming, and San feels his heart break. 

"Guys, I promise I won't give up. I'll fight. Hell, I've been fighting. I'm not ready to lose you guys." San can't keep his voice from cracking, and he finally breaks down.

"Isn't there a surgery?" 

There's dead silence, and San stiffens. Of course Yeosang would be the one to remember surgery was an option.

"No." It's a statement, leaving no room for debate, yet the members still try to argue. 

"San, this is literally killing you, and we have a chance to save you. How can you say no to that?" Jongho sniffs, wiping tears away impatiently. 

"This surgery has only been performed a couple of times, and it... doesn't always end well."

"But there's still a chance, please San."

"No. I can't-I can't lose him." San's full out sobbing now, he can't lose the one person that means everything to him.

"Who is it? Maybe we can find him. If the love's requited, that'll save you, right?"

San's surprised the question hasn't come up yet, but he's disappointed it eventually does. 

"I can't tell you."


	5. Chapter 5

San's disease is progressing much faster than anyone expected. He no longer just coughs up petals or buds, but full flowers, stems and roots.

It's all the members can do to keep them selves together, because this is San. Their beautiful San, who always has a smile to offer, always a kind word. He was always the one to prop them up, cuddle them at night. Now, he's sliding away, and there's nothing they can do about it.

Surprisingly, Mingi breaks first.

They're sitting in the living room, San asleep in the next room. They've been trying to keep some semblance of normal, for San's sake. He insists that he doesn't want sympathy, he doesn't want to mess them up more than he already has.

"Mingi, do you have a four?"

"G-go fish."

Mingi stumbles over the words, and suddenly his face crumples and he's sobbing. Yunho's immediately at his boyfriend's side, looping an arm over his shoulder and hushing him like a child.

"Shh, baby. It's ok."

_No, it's not._

"It's NOT! OUR BEST FRIEND IS DYING AND W-we c-can't do anything."

They're all piled in one big heap on the floor, sobbing into each other's shoulders. Simultaneously comforting and being comforted.

San hears it all. He realizes how much pain he's putting them through, and it kills him. He rolls over, spitting the occasional blood-drenched flower into the bucket on the floor. He knows it won't be long.

He calls the hospital.

San is no longer recognizable as the bright, sunshiny boy they love. The creature in front of them is skeletal, eyes bloodshot, lips cracked and coated in blood. Wooyoung sits in the hospital room, rubbing his back and singing. That's all San wants, is Wooyoung to sing for him.

"San." His voice is low and deflated. He's exhausted.

"You can't hear me right now, but I just want to tell you. 

I love you more than anything else in the world. You mean everything to me. I know you love someone else, but they don't deserve you, San. Neither do I."

His voice breaks, and he sniffs loudly, standing to go when San starts coughing.

It's one of the worst things in the world to witness. His entire body's convulsing, his lungs hacking, and....

Silence.

"San. San! Oh my god"

_No_


	6. Chapter 6

_No, please. No._

Wooyoung screams and Seonghwa’s the first one in the room. His face is drawn tight, tears tracing their way down his cheeks.

He’s known it would happen sometime, but he still wasn’t prepared to see San laying stiff and cold on the hospital bed, a silver orchid beside him, his eyes still half-open.

Wait.

A silver orchid?

Wooyoung picks it up carefully, and it’s soft and light, like a real flower. He turns to the blur that is the Doctor beside him and asks, “W-what is this?”

She looks shocked, reaching for the flower. He jerks it back. It was San’s. No one but he can touch it.

Her eyes shine with unshed tears.

“Wooyoung-ssi I-“

“WHAT IS IT? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!” He’s screaming again, and while some small part of his brain knows it wasn’t her fault, the rest screams back that _someone has to be held responsible, and this woman could have helped him. She should have found some way to keep San alive._

“I-it means the love was finally requited. He must have died right when whoever it was finally returned his feelings.” She explains softly, with a dismayed expression on his face.

There’s a rushing in my ears.

_“He must have died right when whoever it was finally returned his feelings”_

It was me. All along it was me. And I couldn’t bring myself to confess earlier. I’d killed him.

I’d killed my best friend and quite possibly the love of my life.

I don’t remember making a conscious decision, but suddenly I’m running. I have to get away, away from the thing that was once San, away from myself.

I don’t deserve to live anymore.

Wooyoung stands on a bridge over a deep cliff. He doesn’t waver, doesn’t hesitate as he climbs over the railing, leaning forward into the wind. He exhales, eyes still streaming.

There was one more life to take.

_Hongjoong opens the door to a police officer. His face is red, and his eyes are so puffy from crying he can barely see._

_“Yes, O-Officer? Did you find h-him?”_

_The officer sighs, looking from one devastated face to another._

_“I’m afraid I’ve got some more bad news.”_

**Author's Note:**

> follow and yell @ me if u want  
> insta-@alimitedinfinity  
> twitter-@thatcrazyfangi1  
> tumblr-https://shittyfanficsbyme.tumblr.com-strictly fangirl account   
> https://not-today-thx.tumblr.com-mental health and random shit


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